Three's Company
by Accio Abarero
Summary: Pixar's Ratatouille Fic. And although he'd been the cause of the forwarding of their relationship in the first place, Remy was beginning to feel like a fourlegged thirdwheel. [LinguiniColette]


Notes: It was really a matter of time before I broke down and wrote Pixar fanfic. Ratatouille's awesomeness made me cave.

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It was almost one a.m.

Normally, Remy thought to himself, he'd be asleep hours ago.

Normally, Linguini would come home by himself with a dopey love-struck look about eleven p.m.

Normally, the rodent noted, was not the norm anymore.

It wasn't that Remy was surprised by the change, exasperated was more like it. It was that the two humans had seemed to be so caught up in their own world this past week, that everything outside of it was becoming a disaster. And although he'd been the cause of the forwarding of their relationship in the first place, Remy was beginning to feel like a four-legged third-wheel.

Shaking his head, the rodent hopped down from his windowsill bed and went to the kitchen to get a midnight- no, he glanced at the clock, make that early early morning snack.

"Burnt orders at the bistro? Check. Out increasingly later and later at night? Double check. Turning his rodent roommate into the 'worrying parent waiting for a teen to come home' stereotype? Oh yah- he's gone there."

Remy ranted as he pulled out the _tarte_ _fine aux pommes_ he'd made earlier that evening in his after-work, Linguini's-on-a-date, boredom.

"Can't he just prioritize a little bit? If you don't prioritize then things fall apart. Life is like a well-oiled machine and-"

He cut himself off abruptly, eyes wide with realization.

"That's it! I draw the line at starting to sound like my Dad!"

Sulkily sitting down next to his food, he sighed. He was really quite proud of how this had turned out and was hoping he would have someone to share it with.

"He could at least bring Colette home for dessert once in a while," he mused to himself, "I'd be more than willing to cook it for them."

Putting the dessert away without eating a bite, Remy scurried back to his bed. He tried to tell himself, it wasn't that he was lonely. If he wanted, he could be surrounded by over hundreds if he moved back in with his family. It was just...

_"I've gotten attached to them, haven't I?"_ He thought to himself, glancing out at the Parisian skyline. Stifling a yawn, he burrowed into the blankets, _"Well, one of us chefs has to be awake to cook tomorrow."_  
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It was almost two a.m.

His ears perked up at the jangling of keys in the door and Remy stirred himself awake. Just about to jump down to greet Linguini at the door (and give him a stern glaring for being out so late), he paused on hearing another voice. Specifically a certain female voice.

"Oh I can't believe you, you can't even get your keys in your own door. How much wine did you drink, Alfredo?"

"I-it's not that. I'm just nervous," he gasped, "...I just said that aloud didn't I?"

Colette tried to stifle a laugh, "Yeah."

The door opened and Linguini barely got it closed before he felt Colette's warm breath in his ear.

"But...you're cute when you're nervous."

"Colette, w-w-wait a second, will ya?"

"You're getting cold feet _now_?"

"N-n-no, it's just...just..."

The light in the entryway clicked on, a peeved rat dropping down from light switch to the floor below.

"...him," Linguini finished as he gulped. 

Sheepishly, he pointed over Colette's shoulder to where a rat gave them a reprimanding look. Linguini blushed and managed a weak wave.

"H-Hey there, Little Chef. We're just...uh..."

Remy's eyes darted from Colette's dishelved hair, to Linguini's askew tie and shirt and he knew that this was the 'birds and the bees' his Dad had told him about when he was young. Rolling his eyes, he muttered to himself.

"When I thought it would be nice for him to invite Colette over for dessert this is _not_ the dessert I had in mind."

The rat scampered towards entryway closet and emerged a moment later with a pair of earmuffs. Gesturing towards them as if to say, _"Am I going to need these?"_ Remy successfully turned Linguini as red as his hair.

"Just what are you implying?!" Linguini squeaked out.

Remy shrugged and folded his arms- a clear, _"I don't know, you tell me. I caught you red-handed."_

"Look here Little Chef, I...I errr...I am an adult and I will not be ordered around by you!"

Colette glanced between the two, "Are you...being bossed around by a rat?"

Remy nodded a confident 'yes,' Linguini countered with a loud "No!"

"Okay, okay- let's not ruin the mood further," Colette said stepping between the arguing human and rodent. Stooping down to Remy's level, she smiled, "Let me put it this way little guy, Monsieur Casanova behind me has finally gotten enough of a spine to try something and I'm not going to let a tiff between him and his rat roommate stop me from getting it. Do I make myself clear?"

Remy shrugged. Colette might intimidate most people, but Remy wasn't fazed by her.

The woman sighed in frustration, "Okay you name your demands and I will get whatever it is you want- _tomorrow_. Do we have a deal?"

The rat pondered for a moment before sticking out his paw, _"Shake on it."_

"I can't believe I'm doing this..." Colette muttered before gently grasping the rodent's paw and sealing the deal. Whirling back to a very nervous looking Linguini, she cleared her throat, "We were heading to your room, oui?"

"Ah-well-I-err...oui?" He stammered out.

"You're hopeless. How did you put up with this?" She asked Remy. The rodent shrugged, _"Tell me about it."_

Vice gripping his arm, Colette started to lead him up the spiral stairs. "If you put the moves on me, monsieur, you'd better be ready to follow through on them."

"I am, it's just...just..." Linguini thought quickly before pulling away from her a moment to yell down towards Remy, "I forgot to ask Little Chef what he's making for breakfast. Yah, that's it."

He laughed nervously.

Remy jumped back up to his windowsill, planted both paws firmly on his hips and yelled up at him, "After you keep me up worrying about you with your late nights, you dare ask me this? I am NOT making you breakfast in bed, Mister!"

To Linguini, it just sounded like squeaks- but he had a feeling he'd just been thoroughly told off by a rat.

"He's sorry he's an idiot," Colette said pushing Linguini's gaping mouth closed, "Aren't you?"

If the glaring rat wasn't enough to make him want to apologize, the steel in Colette's voice did the trick.

"I'm sorry, Little Chef," Linguini smiled timidly, "I'll...I'll make it up to you tomorrow. I promise."

Remy sighed, knowing that it was very hard to stay mad at Linguini when he had that 'kicked puppy' look. As the couple continued up the stairs to the bedroom, the rodent crawled into his bed. Nuzzling down into the covers, he shook his head.

"Okay, maybe I'll make them breakfast. But that's only because I want to see Linguini's reaction to me walking in on them in the morning," The rat grinned at the thought.

And as the lights of Paris shimmered outside the window, Remy closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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End file.
